won’t the real slim shady please stand up?


all you other slim shady’s are just imitating.

but white 90’s rappers aside… for the second post on this (gasp) blog (rinses mouth with listerine, spits), i’m gonna catch me up.

today, i speak about my work. i love my job. i really do. that whole ‘virgo’s must be in a role of service in order to feel fulfilled’ astrological nonsense may not be nonsense after all. i work to help hungry kids. sounds like a fucking line from How I Met Your Mother (which is addicting, by the way). hi, my name is Lucy and i help feed the starving children. i do. and i work from wherever the fuck i want, whenever the fuck i want. how did i get this lucky? how is so fucking perfect for me? well, maybe luck has nothing to do with it. let’s be clear: i have worked my ASS off for YEARS. FOR FREE. and now, it’s time to get what i deserve, and for the first time in a long time, i can say with conviction that i deserve it. i deserve to be happy and i deserve to have a good job and a beautiful boyfriend and a loving family and nice clothes and good food and rays of sunshine upon my face a even a nice fucking sea breeze blowing through my curly locks every once in a while. that’s been huge, saying that.

that “girl” that “lucy” of 2012 (the worst year EVER) is slowing dissolving back into the ground, like a morning-dew mushroom kissed by the sun. or, as i like to think of it, like that weird vampire bitch kid (played by kirsten dunst) a la interview with the vampire, touched by the deadly beams of sunlight on her undead dermatitis. mostly, an image of violence here seems necessary, as i hate that girl. i pity her. i want her to become dust and blow away to coat needles of faraway forest pines. she deserves to be repurposed. maybe anger isn’t right. i don’t hate myself. i understand why i did what i did and that i did NOT deserve to have something bad happen to me even though something bad did happen to me. i want to make something out of the ruin of my former self. and i want it to be ME. to be unique, sassy, confident, funny lucy. she’s in there. i see her.


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